I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
