On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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