My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
