Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
