Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
