Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
