we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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