Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's the barista slut.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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