We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
