I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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