I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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