She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
