I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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