Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
