no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
