So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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