Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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