we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
