please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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