I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
