the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
this hospital has no fireball
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
