Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
