Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
