Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
