You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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