I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
