whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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