i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
