Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
