Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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