Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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