Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
