but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
