I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
