I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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