the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
