Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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