If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
