I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
