Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
