I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
