I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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