Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
