Got a toothbrush?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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