I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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