I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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