she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
