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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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