there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
