i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
