that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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