i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
