Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
